I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
