Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
