forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
