Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
