do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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