I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
