did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
being pregnant is like rehab
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize