You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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