from now on my penis is your penis
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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