I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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