He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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