I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
