i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
