Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
