Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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