i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
