We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
