Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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