Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
