someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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