so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
