I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
