the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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