You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
