I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so let's talk penis.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
