Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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