Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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