People with herpes should wear stickers.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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