I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
