Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
