she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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