Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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