Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
