She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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