My first STD was from a foam party
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
