Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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