please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
