My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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