the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
