you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
