Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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