Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
