We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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