I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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