Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
