i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Found your dick twin last night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
