I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
