Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
