Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
