do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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