Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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