I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
