i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
