The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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