fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
