Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
