yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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