you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
