I want to walk on stilts...naked
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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