My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you would pick up someone in the library
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
