im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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