You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
