did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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