For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
