i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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