Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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